Breaking up from a relationship is a traumatic experience, irrespective of how old your relationship was.

Once the dust settles down, the first question that come to your mind is how to get your ex back.

It's very obvious "question", because we all get used to being inside a relationship, to having someone in our life. And then, when it comes to an end, we are lonely and we want to go back to the known with us.

Before you take any action, you should ask yourself the question - is getting back into that relationship with my ex the best thing to do or any action in that direction will further worsen the situation.

Before you actually move forward on mending your situation, there are a few points worth some deep thinking. A little thinking in future, just to be sure on your next more - attempt to get your ex back or let go of the relationship.

Here are three vital questions that you should ask yourself. While answering the questions below, being honest and forgetting the current storm in your life helps to evaluate the real long term value of the relationship.

1. What is the main "cause" of this situation ? You might forget this episode and get back your ex but if you don't fix the root cause, your will end up breaking up again and again. Try to see what is creating the distance between the two of you. Take a pen and note down the major concerns. Once you have made this list, ask yourself - can I accommodate these issues with my ex in my life? Can I convince him to change a bit to make life easier for both of us. These can be simple things that have easy solutions.

2. key consideration… do you still have some love left for your ex? Do you really want your companion back or is it something else (financial security or emotional security) that you are looking for?

3. Do you and your ex have similar plans for future…. about marriage, kids, career etc. If you both share the same long term outlook toward your life, it would be worth getting your ex back.

Once your have answered these questions, you will know the next step. If you are convinced to give this relationship one more chance, read on.

Here is what you can do

1. Be determined to give it the most sincere attempt. Do not attempt half heartedly with a negative approach. Say and commit to your self " I will get <<your spouses name>> back in my life because I still love him / her". Saying it to yourself in a mirror works great. It really strengthened my determination.

2. Do not talk to others about it. All they can offer is sympathy which you don't need if you want to get your ex back. Be strong and believe in yourself.

3. Call up your ex and plan a meeting. There are three things you need to accomplish in this meeting

A. Tell your ex that despite all this, you still love him/her. Be honest and firm with your words, not emotional. Not this time.

B. Share your list of concerns that create a tension between the two of you. The list you made will come handy. Keep it short … not a laundry list. These should the real serious stuff that you can't compromise on.

C. Tell your ex that you are ready to listen to his/her concerns and honestly attempt to make this relation work.

This should get the ball rolling and should re-establish the communication channel between the two of you. Lot of things will come out…good, bad and ugly. Do not take them to heart. Let it out and forget it.

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